I bet you looked beautiful.

Your daughter got married yesterday, to somebody you don't particularly like. I thought of you. You were worried about clothes, and about what you'd say to far-flung relations of opposite convictions to your pacifist self.

I'm sure you were beautiful. I'd have loved to be in your flat at the end of the day, when you came back, tired, to help you out of the clothes you wore and take down your hair. I don't know what you'd have said. 'I feel wrong', or, 'it was quite nice, actually', or, 'it was so uncomfortable', or, 'I didn't know what to say'. I'd have said, 'you look beautiful, my darling, in whatever you wear. However you are. I'm sure that you spoke beautifully, and even if you didn't, then you are beautiful. There's nobody's voice I'd rather hear, no one else's  arms I'd rather have around me'. 

I only want all this if you want it too, and I don't think you do. I'm here in France, you're in England, and you've given up your passport in solidarity. There is no evidence; you hold me tight when we meet and when we part, and I do the same to you. I believe that you hold me tight because you're honest and heartfelt, and, like most of the world, you think I need holding together. You've never expressed that, but you'd be right in thinking it, because I do. I need you to hold me together, to be precise. I need your particular brand of sensible kindness, your way of doing extraordinary things that are so routine for you, your intelligence and your soft strength. I adore your slight shyness, when you feel you've spoken too long or revealed something too intimate. It seems to me that your right shoulder, your relaxed elbows and the welcoming natural tissues of your clothes are made to welcome me. You seem suddenly strong enough to encompass me, though I am far taller than you. Though, if I could speak to you today, I'd go on a walk with you. I'd draw with you and read curled up with you, I'd play music for you and I'd hold you in my arms and caress you and listen to your cadent, strong voice. If you wanted me to.