Tuesday, 30 September 2008
sibyl suspended inanimate
One of my favourite lines from something I wrote. I don't know what to write, this is really just for triskaidekaphobic ritual.
What a glorious face I have found in this place.
Sip tea on your patio, you sit in the sun, if I do that I'm done and I stay in the shade. I'll help you and you'll feed me, I say the wrong thing and you forgive, I work and you watch. What must you think of me? I'm tall and pale and a wimp sometimes. I don't want you to think I'm girly or ineffectual or chubby. Maybe you do.
Mollusc Monoverse.
Anemochore- the dispersal of seeds by wind.
ascidium- shaped like a flask, used for plants in biology
locular- containing chambers or hollows.
funiculate-forming a narrow ridge
Glissade
perdure-to last permanently
They track solemn over darkling tarmac flatlands.
Locular houses aback, an anemochral procession over
Sticks and stones. No bones to break. Funiculate
their path with a slow glissade. Perdurance is not theirs.
The crows will have them from a height tomorrow.
Or else schoolboys with salt or dead rubber shoes.
Tonight they cavort, feelers out from the grass
The morning brings smears, splayed shell asphalt cast.
ascidium- shaped like a flask, used for plants in biology
locular- containing chambers or hollows.
funiculate-forming a narrow ridge
Glissade
perdure-to last permanently
They track solemn over darkling tarmac flatlands.
Locular houses aback, an anemochral procession over
Sticks and stones. No bones to break. Funiculate
their path with a slow glissade. Perdurance is not theirs.
The crows will have them from a height tomorrow.
Or else schoolboys with salt or dead rubber shoes.
Tonight they cavort, feelers out from the grass
The morning brings smears, splayed shell asphalt cast.
Meandering through the thoughts.
I walked from the House to my house today. I watched the snails cavort, solemn on the concrete flatlands. It took me about an hour, and it was about three and a half miles. It was good.
I have eaten:
cereal plus raisins-250
a flake-50
some dinner at the House- 200
muesli in tea and raisins- 250
two slices toast-250
one slice of bread-100
cake-100
1/4 a baked potato-100
cucumber-20
smoothie-100
I feel like there's something else... but as is, that's... 1420. Seems a lot. But that's OK, I have done a bit of exercise today.
I'm thinking things I shouldn't be about someone twice my age, and she'll never reciprocate. I like her less than I did, but still some. She offers me food but I can't eat normally in front of her. That's always a telltale sign. I ate what was put in front of me today, but I took a mouthful and some fell out. I don't think anyone saw but I was embarrassed nontheless. I refused yoghurt. It came in strange packs, I didn't want to risk it, but maybe shouldn't have said so, not so much anyway. I say things wrong. I am wrong. I'm contrary and silly and stupid, wrong wrong wrong.
She doesn't say this but I think people think it, and she would too.
Today she wore a purple sweatshirt and purple velour trousers. She showed me a pumpkin which I thought was a swede. She likes to play at thoughts and make them other things, and I like to do this too. Pumpkins to carriages, the neighbourhood to Paradise, and I suppose it all is to her, in her world. She makes me laugh and I like hearing her laugh, properly. I didn't too much today, but I will. Her head's the perfect height to rest on my shoulder. I want to help round the house and do things for her, though she doesn't need much doing. Everyone there eats so fast, I wouldn't have thought it, but they do. Fast eaters, thin people. I'm not a fast eater and nor am I thin. I wonder.
I have eaten:
cereal plus raisins-250
a flake-50
some dinner at the House- 200
muesli in tea and raisins- 250
two slices toast-250
one slice of bread-100
cake-100
1/4 a baked potato-100
cucumber-20
smoothie-100
I feel like there's something else... but as is, that's... 1420. Seems a lot. But that's OK, I have done a bit of exercise today.
I'm thinking things I shouldn't be about someone twice my age, and she'll never reciprocate. I like her less than I did, but still some. She offers me food but I can't eat normally in front of her. That's always a telltale sign. I ate what was put in front of me today, but I took a mouthful and some fell out. I don't think anyone saw but I was embarrassed nontheless. I refused yoghurt. It came in strange packs, I didn't want to risk it, but maybe shouldn't have said so, not so much anyway. I say things wrong. I am wrong. I'm contrary and silly and stupid, wrong wrong wrong.
She doesn't say this but I think people think it, and she would too.
Today she wore a purple sweatshirt and purple velour trousers. She showed me a pumpkin which I thought was a swede. She likes to play at thoughts and make them other things, and I like to do this too. Pumpkins to carriages, the neighbourhood to Paradise, and I suppose it all is to her, in her world. She makes me laugh and I like hearing her laugh, properly. I didn't too much today, but I will. Her head's the perfect height to rest on my shoulder. I want to help round the house and do things for her, though she doesn't need much doing. Everyone there eats so fast, I wouldn't have thought it, but they do. Fast eaters, thin people. I'm not a fast eater and nor am I thin. I wonder.
Friday, 26 September 2008
Maybe...
Because I take more chances I'm more liable to rejection.
But also more liable to get through to something brilliant.
I think I can stand that payoff.
I'm not perfect like I should be. I can't stand that.
But also more liable to get through to something brilliant.
I think I can stand that payoff.
I'm not perfect like I should be. I can't stand that.
I've been stupid.
Oh, stupid. It's such an appropriate word.
I don't know what to do now because you're not responding though you wouldn't have time to respond now anyway. Ugh.
Why do I care so much? You don't care about me this much, it's just not the way it works. Why? If you did something like this I don't know what I'd do. I've got a friend that always does the perfect thing on every occasion, it's not like she tries, she's just good at people. I wish I could be more like her. She'd know what to do, and she'd be perfect at this. She'd have handled it right from when the man asked me for my email address.
I'm not her. I overate tonight and she wouldn't feel like this, not about overeating. I have the wrong reactions and I say the wrong things, I'm wired up wrong.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do now because you're not responding though you wouldn't have time to respond now anyway. Ugh.
Why do I care so much? You don't care about me this much, it's just not the way it works. Why? If you did something like this I don't know what I'd do. I've got a friend that always does the perfect thing on every occasion, it's not like she tries, she's just good at people. I wish I could be more like her. She'd know what to do, and she'd be perfect at this. She'd have handled it right from when the man asked me for my email address.
I'm not her. I overate tonight and she wouldn't feel like this, not about overeating. I have the wrong reactions and I say the wrong things, I'm wired up wrong.
I don't know what to do.
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