Monday, 25 August 2008

fucking shit fuck

Fucking sanctimonious fucking job seekers, I don't give a fucking fuck, and why doesn't anyone want to contact me? why aren't they around anymore? Am I shit now? Don't they like me? I don't understand why I'm so fucking repellent to everyone, which makes me feel more repellent to myself as well.

I need new job, new friends, new life and I am so sick of being the same old me. I'm always trying far too hard and everyone else is just floating through. I wish I could stamp on all the fuckers finding it so fucking easy and telling me how it's hard, or how my life is going to be hard, or how I have to fucking well try harder. Have they tried being me? Fuck off then you cunts, because until you have, I don't give a fucking shit what your narrow minded view of what I can and can't do is, dressed in rumpled clothes without this or that course but great ideas but you can't work for us for a fee, no, we'll take you, and you've worked three fucking years for nothing, do a gap year, do this, do that be better, I don't give a fucking shit.

Please.

All I want is to be good at something and to be good at it now. I want someone to tell me they'll have me. Anyone.

I need to know I'm worth something to the world.

I know I've got to go out and prove it and that noone gets anywhere for free, but at the moment, it's just shit. It's just tough, hard shit and I feel alone and alien to everyone, and I'm so incredibly pissed off that all I want to do is vomit bile on everything.

I am wondering what the point of my life is.

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