Compromising compliment.

I admire people for their excellence, but I haven't got anything specific that I am excellent at. Maybe it is for this reason that others don't want me. I am half embarrassed by myself. I worry that I am like the woman that continually wears purple. She compliments me and yet I couldn't care less. It's nice, but when I'm feeling utterly desperate it doesn't help. Her compliments centre on the things that she herself is atrocious at, so I feel that she's really no accurate judge. A compliment, a real compliment from someone I admire, would make me happy, but those are hard to come by. MH never has. CW sometimes tells me things about herself or 'offloads' onto me. I don't know whether this is because I'm so utterly unimportant that it doesn't matter or because she trusts me. My hope lies with the latter option, but my sense tells me it's a compromise between the two. DB admires the fact that I can speak shit French. That's the only real boost that I've got at the moment, and that happened at Christmas. "I can dine for two months on a good compliment". Mark Twain, I think.

I don't always adore the people that I admire, but there's a strong correlation between the two. I admire the Austrian, but I don't feel particularly buoyed when she compliments me.