I think I am fed up because noone cares what I want, but actually it is because noone listens to what I say that I'm pissed off.

Because I accept, that in the world, fundamentally noone cares what you want. Everyone's out for themselves and why should they care what you want? It doesn't make profit in any sense to care about what people want, it's what they need and what they can take that's relevant.

And the thing is that I just take too much. People walk off mid-sentence when I'm complaining. I am not riveting, unless I'm being funny or happy. Noone cares what happens when I'm angry. If it's my brother, people care. People interact, at least. I get ignored. Or noone cares. Or I get shunted off.

I can put up with noone caring what I want. I accept. It's that noone cares what I say, and the fact that it's so often trodden over, that makes me believe I'm just a person of no consequence. At home, with friends, at work. I don't get work experience, I don't get good tasks, or a bigger room, or a bit of alone time, or fair distribution of household work, or even to go where I've organised on nights out.

I don't get it. Because I'm not nice. I'm not a nice person. It's just that people don't care what I say, and why is that? I wish I could make people care. Is it some physical tic, do I blink too much or speak too fast or what?

I am stopping asking.

And maybe this is why I lie sometimes. If noone cares what I say, then why bother saying anything of value at all?

It's all very well when I'm cooking dinner, or when I won't do something. It's when there's a problem that people couldn't care less. I hate being someone of no consequence.

I hate being me sometimes.