Eating's been really bad these past few days. I seem to be hellbent on consuming everything in sight, like the fatty I am. Today's count is 1750. Written elsewhere.
Today in a shop, purchasing food, an acquaintance (well, probably a friend but I'm none so keen on her. She can be OK) asked us how many calories we thought were in a packet of pecan nuts covered in chocolate. She said 700. She's the only girl in my group of friends that obsessively counts calories (well, except for me, but I clam up when they're discussed for reasons I shall expound later). Anyway, the upshot of this was that I suggested, profit notwithstanding, that we should ship 90 percent of chocolate etc. to Africa, or malnutrition hotspots to combat obesity. Or even just put pictures of starving kids next to our rationed chocolate supplies. I know that if people are suffering malnutrition there has to be a gradual refeeding process, but I really don't see why, once that's been accomplished, we can't give away a bit of chocolate and other nutrient rich foods. How much do I need calorific content as opposed to those on the brink of starvation? I know profit would be a problem; I thought this could be solved by all the money yummy mummies (isn't that a disgusting epithet?) and vain yuppie sloanes spend on going to the gym, or a personal trainer, being given to chocolate companies to remove the temptation; they'd get slimmer, because of less chocolate being around. Say you live in Hemel Hempstead, for a fixed fee you can get the chocolate taken out of your local newsagent and shipped off to Africa; you have to walk further to get the goods. Better still, confiscate cars as well and let everyone bike or take public transport. I know this is hard on those who posess a modicum of willpower, but they don't particularly need chocolate either.
Earlier I said I don't involve myself in calorific discussions. I don't want to be seen as a boring girl that can only discuss calories, first and foremost; I fear if I were to admit my quirk, then the floodgates would open and I'd never shut my mouth. Another reason is my opinion of this particular acquaintance; she obviously used to be very thin. She's very involved in everything, theatre, magazine editing, god knows what else, but I get the impression that she doesn't enjoy herself doing it; she does it more so that she can say she's involved. If I think of how I feel when I act; it just takes away my desire to do anything else, when I'm absorbed in it- I don't want to eat, I get the glim in my eyes, it's like a flash of freedom, like doing a cartwheel. I think she doesn't get that from what she does.
She calorie counts and strives, yet she's about a size 14 (UK) I'd say, and she's around 5 feet four tall. In fairness, she has got a large chest, which carries less stigma. I think, every time she discusses calories, that if she cares so very much she would surely be thinner? I don't talk about my obsession because I don't feel that people will take me seriously- they'd think, well maybe you think about it but you're really quite fat; only thin girls think about calories. You, therefore, must think you are thin and want us all to tell you you are. I don't want people to think I think I'm something I'm not. This makes very little sense. There's also the other aspect of public self-hate and emotional whining, which I despise.
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