I ate OK today but I still feel fat. Fat fat fat.

I hate, hate, hate my blonde haired female housemate. She's so incredibly dull- her and her long term boyfriend- and so selfish. She gets a bigger room than me why? Because she thinks she's better and I'm too reluctant to cause a fuss. Twat on her and twat on me. She's got no real friends because she's so boring and mediocre and hesitant- she doesn't go out and noone comes to call. I said I might get a desk out of the room her boyfriend's furniture's taking up space in- she just told me to be careful of his TV. Who frickin' cares? If he wants me to be careful he should move it into his own fucking space and stop being a cross eyed silent pockmarked cunt that breathes heavily. And she should stop being so self congratulatory and generally smug. Cunts, cunts, cunts.

Today I saw her, of the bovine beauty, and she is giggly and sarcastic and bonded so well with me. We simply never run out of things to say to each other. She can salve my problems; not solve them, but coat them in something better, and I'd hope to do the same for her. She's never loved anyone, she says. Or noone that's loved her back. I could grow to. Sometimes, times, I do want to hold her, but not really as much as I do little Bird. I suppose that fundamentally I trust her less; I would trust little Bird with a lot, an awesome amount, which probably I never will and in any case shouldn't. She has enough to cope with and she never treats anyone well that she's going out with- but I can't help but feel that this is because she's never liked anyone she's been with, not properly. I am not joking with myself that I ever could be the first. It's simply that I don't mind if she's thin or fat, if she's drunk or sober, if she's silent or chatty. Sometimes we can sit in silence and that is fine, but we also know lots of things to say to each other. Paradoxically, I'm less honest with her than I am to she of the bovine, but I can't help it. I could be honest. I can accept that she is all of these and that sometimes she wants noone near her, and other times she is desperate for people. I know that she needs people to like her, or even just to see her and acknowledge her. I would just like to be around for her to be her first port of call; which is sort-of what I am now.