Unsure, indecisive.

Today's eating:



half a biscuit-100

a pakora with tzatziki-300

a bread and butter pudding-400

a chocolate bar-222

biscuit -200

two oranges-40

bits-50



1300, I make out... though I cannot be sure. I don't know about the biscuits, so it could be more; but I've been running about a lot and stuff. I've probably burnt it off at any rate.



I was a little bit disappointed by today; I spent a lot of time with people I like but didn't do any work, and also there are flies in my bedroom and I don't know why. I'm worried about the rada audition; I've barely rehearsed or organised my pieces. And I couldn't talk properly to Little Bird, because maybe I like her a little bit too much...



I have decided that I don't like him anymore. He is tolerable, but I cannot say that I like him; self pitying, self important narcissist in short. It died not with a bang but with a whimper. There was no argument; it's merely an unspoken attrition, assertion that I don't want him to come round anymore.



We saw a play, my friends and I, that was comic and had two brilliant actresses in that are very thin at our student theatre. One of them (the prettier) was a complete cow to me once; and I have never forgotten it. Unluckily, she is funny and witty and clever, the sort of person that I could like to be and befriend. Unfortunately, I am silly, chubby, me. So I can't and I'm relegated to the position of prey rather than predator or herdmate. I simply wish that I was prettier and better. Scratch the first one. I don't care about pretty (my new mantra). I just want to be the best. But now I feel very jealous of them both, yes, that they are pretty, but more that they are so talented. I don't need to be thinking this now when I've got an audition not far away.