Now there's a lifestyle, with painted lips.

Everybody wants it, but it don't exist.

Eating today:

some doritos-60
cake and strawberries-470

530
soup and bread-300
apricots-100
a bit of cake-70
mozarella and tomato salad-130

600
cheese-75

1200.

I have ate 4 portions of fruit and veg.

I still keep thinking about B.

When I have those thoughts I want to be held by someone soft and strong and kind, unexpectedly. I have spent most of today thinking about her to try and block out thinking about B. It's silly to be so caught up on it, or is it? I don't know. I'll have to tell my parents.
She said, "I have this unhappiness to wear around my neck. It’s a pretty piece of jewellery to show what I protect."

Savage.

This business of metastatic symptoms is far too savage for someone as soft as you are, B.

Metastasis, it's a lovely word. It sounds like cicida, or something unfurling and developing. It means changing and moving, but in relation to disease it spells out something not benign.

Now there's a lifestyle, with painted lips. Well, there's a lifestyle, everybody wants it but it don't exist.

Please, just hold me and be tender, I need something soft because I'm feeling so helpless to aid anyone. If I feel like this, how must B feel? I feel like it's inappropriate to laugh or be happy or anything like that, though that's not what she's said.