Good day, bad day. That's how it goes.

Today wasn't awful. I'm still not like JM or KB- but neither am I like MH, or DB, or AG or CDB. Urgh. And I want to be. I'm not like KB, I don't want to 'be them'- she said this to me, which shows how much she knows.

It's meant to be a syndrome, in psychology- when you think, "I am rubbish- so how can people like me? The people that like me must also be rubbish".

I don't think I am utter crap, but I know I'm not streaks of brilliance either. So this is why, when KB said, "I wish I was like you", that I knew she'd been going about with her eyes closed. Or blinded to the brilliance of others. Because it should have been DB that she said that about, or AG, or anyone listed above.

Things I will do better:

1. Don't worry about MH. She isn't DB- she's not perfect. She isn't there to judge you. She's there to help you and you're there to help her. Just pretend she isn't there. It's no use being so impressed by someone that you can't do your job properly.

2. Take people out earlier, if possible.

3. Chit chat more. It's OK by MH.

4. Be harsher when telling people off.

5. Make more jokes.

And this is it.

Tomorrow, it's DB's lesson. I am glad- it will be respite, and sends me off to do other things better.

Good things about today:

1. Lunchtime.

2. Chatting to MH, who is lovely. I do like her. Sensible and kind, and ambitious when she needs to be, not when it's unnecessary like TF is- he's a wanker.

3. I have been wearing the same pair of earrings for a few days. Usually my ears go septic, so I am impressed with these ones.

Other people are so much better at this than I am. This job, this world. I am also fed up because of the administration I'm going to have to do... it won't be that hard, but I know I'll get it mixed up. I always do with administrative things; I can't just think of them as a problem to be solved, I think of them as a set of hoops to jump through. Which is silly. I like maths, I like English- but I don't like this. At all. And it's basically a basic combination of both.