And she said, she said...

She said she was impressed with me and laughed at me and spoke to me like she didn't hate me (which is a constant fear because of the high esteeming of her personage). She said she was impressed with my French. She said she wouldn't have been able to get that work out of la petite Francaise, and we laughed about things like the older ones kicking off. Such little things, and yet they make me happy. Because I fear so much... I fear being the person that's stressed out or that has no control (or both). I said, "I like translating for you because I just pretend to be you for a bit". She laughed.

I'd like to say, to her, DB, "I adore you". But I can't because of a variety of factors. She wouldn't be interested, I see her every day, she's given no indication of being inclined towards me. I'd like to be friends with her, with this person that I think so highly of. I think she finds me interesting, as one finds exhibits in museums interesting, looking at them and considering what they mean (because it's rarely what I put across with my flailing hands and linguistic stutters), and I think she thinks that I am kind in my bumbling way. A piece of background furniture, some sort of intriguing egg slicer that you don't use much because it's fairly useless and extraneous generally, and only suited to one task.

I like the game of comparing people to household objects. She'd be something amazing. A non stick frying pan with a tefal spot, or a masher, or one of those whisks that whisks everything with loads of different attachments that slots neatly into your gadgetry but makes a big impact nontheless. Effective, interesting, brilliant. She makes me laugh all the time, whether I'm observing at the back or chatting. She makes everyone laugh. And I think she's beautiful. Today she came with a morning face, no makeup, in her grey fleece, perfectly honest with her metallic eyes that stop me dead, because she's seeing me precise as I am.

Little Bird hasn't written to me at all. Not that I expected her to reciprocate, but I would have liked her to stay in contact. Or to feel the same as it did, but it obviously can't for her.