Oooh... a happy day.

I did not go to the opening night (what would have been) meal, and I feel better for it. Noone else did, I don't think.

I am with DB again, if only for ten minutes or half an hour- and this makes me inexorably happy. Our new person, KB, will be there as well- I will have to ensure that she doesn't tell LE. I told RA about my plan to go in for la petite francaise, and she said we'd just have to keep it quiet from LE, which I am more than happy about. I am also happy because, when I told DB that la petite francaise would be making an entrance and that I knew a bit of French, hence my presence, she said, "well, you're always welcome". I don't know if that's true or not, but I hope that I am welcome, actually and truthfully, and that it's not just something she says. With DB, I don't think anything is just something she says, because everything she says is imbued with meaning- she never says what she doesn't precisely feel. Her eyes bore into me and I go quiet and slow-witted, stuttering almost, and even vaguer than normal, which must irritate her.

What else was good? I spent a lot of time lazing today, because I wasn't needed. I felt I held my own a little bit in other things, and it was generally a useful day of sorting out odds and sods, and there'll be another one tomorrow. I spoke a bit of French, which is always a pleasure. It's far enough from the rejection onslaught, or just getting to be now. I watched one of my favourite films again (A Christmas Carol) and drew things that pleased me. I have consolidated the acquaintance of someone whose company I enjoy- so I know that two other people that I think are good don't think I'm rubbish. All of these factors have made me happy.

I skipped, on the walk. That is a sure indicator that things are better. I walked about six miles, all in all- one just before dinner, 5.2 afterwards.

KB is new to our post. I think she's ineffective; I mean, I'm ineffective but she's another kettle of fish entirely. I wonder what DB makes of her, as she's supporting? I know that I judge her instinctively; she's got a degree in English, yet she reads utter tripe- Jodi Piccoult books and so forth. She doesn't exactly look insipid, though this is the characteristic; her face is sort-of shiny, and she looks fairly bland. All sandy coloured, skin and hair blending into one matt tone. She never smiles with her teeth. She chooses to wear a great deal of purple, and her hair manages to be both flat and fluffy. Today it was a pair of blue-knit boots with pompoms; a style that spans the infantile and the dowdy in one easy swoop. She spends most of lunch brushing her lank mousy locks, which look as if they've been subject to a bowl cut. Or she checks her face. These small obtrusive vanities annoy me; if you look crap, just be satisfied or overhaul yourself, don't be checking constantly. She spends the rest of the time reading her substandard books. I wouldn't mind if they were good books, and another bugbear is that she's got nothing to say about anything; and it's not as if the conversations we have are boring. I would think that a reader would be able to be interesting- she isn't. And she thinks I'm good at my job, when I'm not- thus must be a bad judge. I feel almost as if she follows me about; sort-of crawls after me, lurking like a slug, though I know she doesn't. She's probably kind, or trying to be sweet. She failed a PGCE- how could she do that? I asked her if she'd had a good weekend- 'yes, but busy'. It turned out that all she'd done was get her computer fixed. I am happy not to be the shit one in our department anymore, but it irritates me that CB, who is brilliant at our job, utterly brilliant, has to leave after christmas and she doesn't.