Good things about today.

1. I skipped a little bit on my walk home.

2. A maths person asked me if I was a mathematician, or had a maths brain.

3. I have cleared out my room and rearranged two of my draws. This is sad, but it has made me happy.

4. I shoplifted something for the first time. From a massive supermarket. My brother's girlfriend talks about it constantly, and it pisses me off that someone else shoplifts and I'm expected to just take it. And I wanted to try it, to prove that I don't always have to be good. I was nervous but I did it. A necklace and a bracelet. They're birthday presents for people. They weren't expensive but it was exciting. And I don't feel good. I felt really guilty, briefly. Now I feel glad I have done it, so that I can say I have and speak from experience.

Are charismatic people more likely to be psychotic? I spoke to someone today that described DB as charismatic. I don't know about that. Well, she is, but I always associate that word with cult leaders, and hypnotism. She's too loud and bouncy to be associated with those sorts of words; I always think that charisma and hypnosis have a quiet quality to them. Though I didn't think of her as loud until today, though of course she is. I felt quiet next to her; I reverted to the introverted bookworm type, I still do whenever she's about, I go a bit shy. She is charismatic. She is good at people, she's good at making them think and do and admire without even meaning to. She's good at appearing effortless with people and hardworking with the things that matter, like studies and making sure everyone's cared for sensibly; that is, without mollycoddling, but just with surety and capability. So I suppose that this is charisma, a kind of weird hypnotism with no ulterior motives, other than to be herself and to get people to learn.

Everybody else is doing it, so why can't I?

Well, I should start doing things if I want to be considered. I should start to follow things up. I will follow up Lau- I'll investigate and get back to her about dropping the thing she wants to drop and we'll see about it, and I will be capable too. I won't be a child. I'll be good.