Frustration and panic.

Well. Yesterday I went on a run and ate 1340, which isn't as bad as it could be but nowhere near as good either.

Today I have ate: an apple
two tangerines
a brie and roast vegetable panini

I estimate about 600 calories. I've also had tea but I tend to discount that. So six hundred left, and it's nearly seven, which isn't so bad. I think now I could eat... at home, a vegetable stir fry, and maybe later I could have muesli as well. That would be good. A vegetable stir fry with egg, or meat maybe. This thinking of food isn't good because I won't keep it up. I'm so scared of getting fatter, and I know that it's inevitable. Not if I keep off sugar, no. This isn't for tricks, this is for life.

My friends say I have lost weight. It's easier than the five hundred a day as well. Actually, that was really easy once I got into it. I am worried that because I don't feel nervous anymore (about the play or work) I'm not going to lose it anymore. I twitch more and eat less when I'm nervous which can only be a good thing.

I'm about a third of the way through writing an essay at the moment. It's horrendous. I hate it, and it hates me. I'm getting to the stage where I can't read properly anymore and all it is is bullet point after bullet point to discuss. This, then the exam, and it's all over, and I'm free. This essay is so hard that I'm looking forward to exam prep.