Malleability.

Today instead of working I procrastinated to the extreme, which leaves me with 2 and 1/2 essays to do. I ate:

flapjack
soup and a bun
muesli
pasta and pesto
an orange
a smoothie

Which is probably, all in all, well over 1200. I shall do better. I think the smoothie tips it to about 1450. Why must I consume so much? I'm ridiculous.

I consume and do nothing.

I scraped a 2.1 in an essay I got back today; I feel like I could have done better. But I got better marks than one of my friends.

I'm worried that trying on our costumes will be a communal situation in which the other girls in my play, with perfect tiny statures, will see my various imperfections and detest me even more. If I had a perfect body they'd be in awe of me. Well... what would Beth Ditto say?

She'd say... act them off the stage. Who cares? If they can't see past your flaws then they're not worth it are they? You haven't got anything to prove to them.

I don't want my sister to be the same as me. I don't want her to feel that being petite is the be all and end all. I don't want her thinking that she has to prove something to the skinny girls. That attitude is dangerous; I think that I can stop her doing this by being a good example, of being confident and happy in my own skin. I am fairly healthy and hale.

One of my friends today made an astonishing confession; that sometimes she doesn't go out because she doesn't feel confident enough about her body. She's funny and clever, and very pretty; all of my friends are. She's probably a UK size fourteen, and I can't believe that she thinks this; she's got so many friends. I get like that sometimes though. I admitted to her that I am terrified of everyone when I first meet them; until I get to know them properly, I'm sure that they're judging and hating every single thing that comes out of my mouth. I keep speaking because I assume that they'll judge me whether or not I say anything, so I may as well be judged for what I say. She said she was shocked, because I get on so easily with everyone and seem to make friends with all of the groups in our lessons. This just goes to show how much lurks below the first impression you get of someone. Seriously, the first thing I'd have said about my friend wouldn't have been to comment on her weight; she's no oddity. People are strange creatures.