It's difficult to be happy for other when you yourself are unhappy.

Because unhappiness becomes the general barometer.

My family felt christmas was nice, but flat, this year. I didn't think so- or maybe I did but I didn't like them saying it. I haven't really been out of the house much today, so I feel a bit strange and flabby (though that might be because I am flabby, currently). And I've eaten loads.

I don't know why I didn't like them saying it.

I think I'd like a christmas where we don't watch TV, maybe just a film, christmas carol, and when we sit about or read or go on a walk. I got some good presents though: a lens for my camera, so I can take it about again, a book of black paper from my brother, two strong small propelling pencils from my sister, some oil paints, a watercolour sponge, The White Tiger and Shakespeare's complete works were my favourites.

I have decided to begin wearing only quality clothes that I love.

And to lose weight.

When I have done the second I will begin the first.

I am also going to get my hair cut. Soon.

I really would have liked to see her today, but I felt strange. My grandma came, tea was late, I went to see a friend and we played a good game at night, and I didn't think there was a right time, and I felt strange saying I'd be popping off to see her anyway. Though I would have liked to. I will tomorrow, but it's not quite the same statement, seeing someone the day after. I worked out what I would have taken her: a load of mince pies for the people, because they're useful, consumable and not directed to her but are for her, and a card. I've made a few for friends with robins on, but I'd have made one for her with a hedgehog wearing a christmas hat. She said she had an encounter with a hedgehog once- it had gotten into her house, her cottage as was, and was eating food in the kitchen. I'd have liked to draw a hedgehog sat at a christmas table. If she was an animal, she'd certainly be a hedgehog. She looks like one- cute and small, spiny yet oh so innocuous, with unlikely fervour. Not that hedgehogs are usually imbued with fervour. Trotting around with surprising speed, they certainly share that in common.