It won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures.

So very true.

I wonder if anyone reads this blog or if they just quickly click past it on a neverending voyeuristic journey? On consideration, I think I would like some comments. I am an attention seeker.

I am feeling bad that I wasn't on time for my Mum though she is never on time for me. Surely I shouldn't feel bad in that case. So I won't. I suppose I don't feel bad, just vaguely annoyed that she made me briefly feel bad when she is so discourteous as to be unpunctual many many times. She said she was "glad I was back safe". I only drove down the motorway to a neighbouring city. Am I that inept that I can't even do that?

I am also feeling fat. Nothing new there. Eating today:

a date and a mini mince pie (85)

A skinny small frappuccino and a salsa chicken wrap from starbucks (450)

Doritos (300)

Raisins and yoghurt (200)

2 dates (40)

I felt angry with her as well. I feel angry a lot today. I think Christmas is getting on my nerves. I felt angry that she pitied me and went out with me as a result. I hate being pitied; I don't want to be that sad and bereft of respect.

I am angry with myself because I'm not doing revising, getting a holiday job or losing weight. And because I just thought of going out before my Dad gets back in, simply because his general mood jarrs with me at the moment. And then I thought, how disgustingly horrid of me to not want to speak to my own father, who is lovely and loves me so much. I love him too, but I don't want to have long learned discussions when I will inevitably feel argumentative, because that is generally the swing of our conversations; I argue or monosyllabically agree. Either way, I feel pretty stupid at the end of them, which is not his aim. It's just that my Mum is so easy to be around, she makes me laugh etc. As is my brother. But my Dad and my sister are far too serious and easily affected- I feel like I can't just be jokingly rude to them as I am to my brother and Mum. They'd take it far to heart, and this is why we're not as close. For example, Dad came in last night and I was writing this. He asked what sort of headphones were on my Ipod, and I said I'd got no idea. He just kept going, "go on, go on, you do know", which made me say "no I don't". And I think it offended him, whereas my brother would just slump off and call me fatty or something.