Ah, I had a nice day. Lots of Christmas shopping, which I abhor, but I tried to buy useful things, namely books. I think books are the best present to receive; they open up other worlds and teach you about human nature, or just about what the author thought at the time. I think they're what can make you truly happy, because they give you knowledge. I don't know many people who enjoy books that are sad.
So I bought two Irvine Welshes, to encourage a recalaitrant teen, some Blake and local interest books for my socialist sympathiser, some Poe and Coleridge for an enthusiast and a Jacqueline Wilson for a clever young thing. And some Gerard Manley Hopkins for my Grandmother, who is a christian. On reconsideration, I'm not so sure this was a good idea as, though Hopkins was enamoured with the church, he was fed up with being gay and used it to constrain himself. But I think she'll like the poems, especially God's Grandeur (hardened atheist that I am, even I liked it).
I have eaten: a vegetable and cheese wrap (500)
ice cream (250)
some doritos (75)
A mini mince pie (65)
2 cubes of chocolate (50)
a mouthful of tuna pasta salad and some smoothie (55)
And no doubt there'll be more later. Damn calorific substances, I really should have sat down properly to eat something. Ah well, I've got 200 calories left. And it's eight, so that is ok. I should manage that.
I was thinking about her today waiting for a bus. And how she used to put her head on my shoulder, because I'm that bit taller. I always worried she'd get speared on my brutal shoulders- they're sinew and muscle, not good leaning material. I thought it would be like lying on rock, with a horrendous view of my face. But she never seemed to mind so much.
One of my friends has had a threesome; it started with her and her female friend, then the girl's boyfriend kind of invaded. I think she is probably a lesbian. That's cool, and I should tell her I am. I probably will, next time I'm drunk. I don't fancy her, because I want the girl I've spoken about before back. Even so, it's nice to know there's someone out there similar to me.
I think I'm a bisexual, which appears to be a get out clause. Quite simply, I can be attracted to either. I tend to like clever people who appear fairly morose with perverse senses of humour. Darkly clever. At the moment, that person happens to be a her. It's been him twice. With a girl, I feel more naked, more exposed because I always had this feeling with most men that there was a part of me they couldn't see, but I felt like she saw straight to my icy secret core and that's why I want her acceptance so much. Because if she saw all that, and rejected me, I am surely worthless. One of the guys I loved made me feel like that too. It was never cemented, we were just friends that played around... but then he started seeing someone else, and made it far more public than he had done with me. She was petite and musical and vacuous.
I want to see her open her eyes wide and form the letter M. I want to stroke her fringe back from the one eye it covers, or at least see it flop over that eye for her to put purposefully back behind one ear. I always had this urge to wrap her up warm.
So I bought two Irvine Welshes, to encourage a recalaitrant teen, some Blake and local interest books for my socialist sympathiser, some Poe and Coleridge for an enthusiast and a Jacqueline Wilson for a clever young thing. And some Gerard Manley Hopkins for my Grandmother, who is a christian. On reconsideration, I'm not so sure this was a good idea as, though Hopkins was enamoured with the church, he was fed up with being gay and used it to constrain himself. But I think she'll like the poems, especially God's Grandeur (hardened atheist that I am, even I liked it).
I have eaten: a vegetable and cheese wrap (500)
ice cream (250)
some doritos (75)
A mini mince pie (65)
2 cubes of chocolate (50)
a mouthful of tuna pasta salad and some smoothie (55)
And no doubt there'll be more later. Damn calorific substances, I really should have sat down properly to eat something. Ah well, I've got 200 calories left. And it's eight, so that is ok. I should manage that.
I was thinking about her today waiting for a bus. And how she used to put her head on my shoulder, because I'm that bit taller. I always worried she'd get speared on my brutal shoulders- they're sinew and muscle, not good leaning material. I thought it would be like lying on rock, with a horrendous view of my face. But she never seemed to mind so much.
One of my friends has had a threesome; it started with her and her female friend, then the girl's boyfriend kind of invaded. I think she is probably a lesbian. That's cool, and I should tell her I am. I probably will, next time I'm drunk. I don't fancy her, because I want the girl I've spoken about before back. Even so, it's nice to know there's someone out there similar to me.
I think I'm a bisexual, which appears to be a get out clause. Quite simply, I can be attracted to either. I tend to like clever people who appear fairly morose with perverse senses of humour. Darkly clever. At the moment, that person happens to be a her. It's been him twice. With a girl, I feel more naked, more exposed because I always had this feeling with most men that there was a part of me they couldn't see, but I felt like she saw straight to my icy secret core and that's why I want her acceptance so much. Because if she saw all that, and rejected me, I am surely worthless. One of the guys I loved made me feel like that too. It was never cemented, we were just friends that played around... but then he started seeing someone else, and made it far more public than he had done with me. She was petite and musical and vacuous.
I want to see her open her eyes wide and form the letter M. I want to stroke her fringe back from the one eye it covers, or at least see it flop over that eye for her to put purposefully back behind one ear. I always had this urge to wrap her up warm.
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