Stupid me.

Oh lordy lord.

So, life had taken an up turn. She came round tonight. Just to do some work and have some dinner, my housefriends were in so nothing was ever going to happen. It started rusty, but we got talking again and the hinges were oiled and it was fine. We were using this computer to look up things. And we laughed, and it was almost like before (yesterday, once more) again. But then... then she looked at the favourites bit and saw her blog name there. And she didn't know I knew about it, much less that I'd been looking at it. I felt horrible. Like I'd been caught prying, looking at her naked, something she didn't want me to know. I'm horrible, it's so wrong. I've ruined her private world. I feel sick. I am a charlatan; all this time I convinced myself I wanted nothing but the best for her, but in probing that bit too far I've shown myself to be what I really am; I obviously couldn't care less for her comfort if I do something like that.

And she was still lovely to me, which shows that maybe she hadn't seen it. But that doesn't alter what I did. I collapsed her private world. Her private world. It was none of my business, none whatsoever. And I think I should apologise but I don't want to make her feel worse. Everything's so delicate, like a butterfly you can't touch for fear it'll fall apart. You can try and hold it but the closer you get the more likely it is you'll destroy it completely.