Dogville.

I watched it and ate another 200 calories.

He makes me feel so fat, and only by being honest; but I am never that honest with him, never, not like he is. He is cruel; others are honest without being horrible. He can be horrible and think he is kind; it is a fault. He touches me in a way that makes me conscious that I am fat, then says I am neither fat nor thin. He cannot see how it upsets me to be broad (though part of me is glad about this, because it means that maybe noone else knows either).

I hate him sometimes, his arrogance and patronising nature. A break will be good for us. I don't want to spend another three months with him somewhere we can't escape each other. I will tell him, no.

1300 so far then.

Dogville is interesting; I admire Lars Von Trier, and I like the Dogma95 principles, but only if some film makers, not all, adhere to them. What's the spice of life if not variety? I got a bit bored, but I was interested throughout- it took a while to get going though. Nicole Kidman is overrated- she's pretty much the same in every role. I'm angry Nicole, sadist Nicole, Virginia Woolf-nosed Nicole... there's not much variation there.

But she did show me a new way to do the script.

Lauren Bacall is beautiful too.

I might go out tomorrow and be in character. I might do Calphurnia's speech. I need a book of monologues; no. I will settle on one within the play I chose, and one from Lear or Calphurnia.

I just need a quiet place to do it in. It's not fair. My brother can play his guitar as much as he likes without fear of repercussions; but if I was to stand and act out a monologue, or to do a speech, they'd think it was ridiculous or pretentious or something stupid and pointless. But it isn't to me. I care so very much about acting, and that's why I'm sad about the video. That's why.

Anyway, I can do better without a shitty script. When a writer can't handle criticism, no wonder his work is awful; when he hears only what he wants to hear. I cannot tell him how truly bad his work is.