Beauty lies where you find it, which is unfortunate if you have a tendency towards losing.

Eating today:

porridge and yoghurt (400)

gingerbread men (50)

pasta and tuna tomato sauce (400)

an apple with peanut butter (200)

a brownie (200)

I guesstimate the brownie; they are small, but you can never trust confectionary. Yet, still it lures me back with tasty promises... cocksucker. Anyway, 1250 isn't too bad for today. It is half past eleven at night. I would like to go out for a run, but I don't want to become the next victim of gun crime.

Really the solution would be to make sugar obsolete. Unfortunately I lack the willpower. I have decided to concentrate on getting my five a day government recommended fruit and veg, to ease the strain on the NHS.... well, ultimately to fill myself up with fruit and natural goodness as opposed to calorifically horrific substances. I can't pretend to be philanthropic about my dietary plans.

I would like the song Alisha Rules the World, by Alisha's Attic, to apply directly to me. Alternatively, I could be a Eurythmics song... in reality? Fat Bottomed Girls, ha. A distinct possibility. Or Narcissus by Alanis Morisette (was it applicable to a girl).

My friends would like to work for the foreign office, be journalists or go into law. These are all good career choices; deep down, a part of me would like to be an actress but I know I'd get bored of it, I'm not good enough, or good looking enough; I would want to be a Judi Dench, or an Emma Thompson, who aren't considered the creme de la creme aesthetically in the hollywood world, but I'm betting that if you saw them in the street they'd be gorgeous. I am just not up to that standard, talent or looks wise.

I could try something artistic, but I am sadly lacking in qualifications. So I should start doing some kind of night course; it's tricky to fit in with the Vagina Monologues and education, though.

I slept for twelve hours last night. How ridiculous; nobody needs that much sleep. I haven't done many of the things I planned to, but there is time; I have lazed a lot. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself because I've been used to either working or feeling guilty about not working; this panacea feels slightly bizarre. I have put on an inch; I am 35-29-39. How depressing.