Today was a good day for two reasons. One is social interaction- people are coming back to University and the friends I saw were very happy to see me. That's always a boost. And I think I'm under my calorie allowance, or at least on it, which is so good because I went to the pub with my housemates and we usually drink. So, consumption today is as follows:
A big biscuit (300)
Tortellini and pesto (400)
two oranges (40)
two maryland choc chip cookies (100)
beans on toast with cheese - 2 slices toast, 160 cals, 1/2 can heinz baked no sugar no salt beans, 140 cals, cheese, mature low fat, 50 cals(350)
a piece of chocolate (10g) (50)
so... 1240. That is good, for me! I feel good about myself now. And my friends make me feel good, because if they want to spend time with me I must not be as horrendous as I believe I am. It also makes me stop wondering what she thinks of me, I do worry too much.
I like walking around. I like my music. I like... being under my calorie allowance. I said in my profile I wanted to write as if I was a different person every day. Well, that won't happen if I'm continually calorie fixated. I should leave off and just try to eat as little as possible, but I know if I don't log it I won't be able to control it. And then I'll get fat. Freedom or fatdom? Which one? To live free of food obligation, or to live trapped in my own corpulent fat kingdom?
I feel I have lost my muse. When I am besotted, I can write things that are not good, but I have at least got a vent. I feel as if there is no muse anymore. I can't use my friends, but I don't know why. I doodle little pictures. But I need words too. I need to practise using them. So I shall write a passage. Not about being besotted, I have had enough. Enough of that, my lord, you mar all this with your starting (just a line that popped into my head from one of my favourite plays).
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