Fatty acts upon her born again christian chums.

No work done today, but I moved some of my things back to university so that was an accomplishment.

I ate

A cookie (300)
some bean stuff (50)
pasta and tuna and cucumber (I didn't binge it, I managed to save some to throw away) (400)
A happy hippo (they will be the death of me) (125)
2 sweets (75)
vegetable bake and cabbage (300)
2 biscuits (160)
eight sweets (300)

1700. That is really bad. I didn't think it was too bad, but evidently it is. Shit. Fatty that is stupid and does no work, and will soon be mired in debt if she doesn't get her finger out and get a job.

My house felt really desolate today at university. It was very bare, noone was there and there was no noise. It was cold. It had no appliances and none of my housemates. I can't wait till they get back too. My home house never is, because there is always someone in it. Though I do prefer being at university, it must be said, because more goes on and my friends are all about. My things are neat there, I have got private space, I have got control.

I want to go back now and be there for a day. To settle in.

But I also feel guilty at leaving my family; they are happy for me to go, but their reaction on my coming home, "oh, the family is whole again!" says it all; I feel that I'm abandoning them when I leave. They want me to go and have a good time though.

I am a bit freaked out by my calorific consumption today. That is really, really bad. It's when its over 1500 I freak; 1200 is bad enough. I keep thinking, maybe the pasta wasn't four hundred, but it probably was. I ate an apple too. And a third of a happy hippo. Which bumps it up to 1800. I'll not lose weight if I keep going like this.

Reading my last post, I know I won't ever be petite. I'll always be tall and broad. But if I was thinner, maybe I'd look shorter? Maybe she'd like me if I was shorter. Maybe she likes petite girls. Maybe....

Maybe nothing.

That isn't the reason she got rid of me. Physical imperfections don't matter a jot if you truly like someone. It was intrinsically me. I must stop obsessing.

So let me take a wander somewhere enjoyable. I am... in a play. I have got my script. I am reading three poems by Eve Ensler. They are sad. I am excited. Someone wanted me for this part. I beat competition to get it.

I am not a christian and managed to challenge two born-agains today on their beliefs. They tried to prophecy for me ("LIKE FORTUNE TELLING BUT DEVIL FREE"). Their words, not mine. I think that if there is such a thing as god, an omniescent being won't be too fussed about what denomination you are; it's more on whether you're a good person or not, which is not at all related to church attendance. Or anywhere else attendance. Religion is the opiate of the masses; expecting someone else to absolve you of whatever you've done wrong is shit. They were completely wrong about me; they thought I was musical (I can't carry a tune to save my life) that at some point I'd have to make a decision on religion (well, doesn't everyone?), that I've had affairs with married men (never), that I'm a student (yes, but from my appearance and the fact that I was in tesco on a schoolday... what else would I be?) and that I had issues with my father. None of these are true; my Dad is wonderful. Both my parents are- I whine about them, but they are wonderful. Accepting, progressive, generous but not to a ludicrous extent, very cool. They always do their utmost for us, and are always honest with us. So that was one in the eye for them. They offered to buy me coffee but I was scared they'd have spiked it. It was interesting to converse with people with such opposite beliefs to mine, and I sharpened my ready wit (ha) on them. They were creationists, and I fell back on Darwinism. They rubbished Buddhism, I told them my opinions on what god wanted. They were a good sharpener; I do like to sharpen my intellect on the christians.