Little bird.

My friend, one of my best friends, had a phonecall and started to cry last night. She went away for five minutes and came back perky; she wanted to be perky, she put on a face for the group. I felt so much for her; I wanted to give her a proper hug and ask her what the matter was, but to say that if she didn't want to tell me that she didn't have to. I couldn't in a crowd because that would have knocked her down again. I'm living with her next year, and this thought makes me very happy because she is wonderful. She's someone I aspire to be like, because she is witty, clever and beautiful, and never flounders in any social situation. She's fantastic at improvisation, and, I suspect, not a bad actress. But despite all of these things, I never, ever feel bad about myself around her. I should, because I know that she is better than me in all of these arenas, but she never makes me feel so. I would usually feel insecure whether someone like her intended me to or not, but I haven't got any barriers with her; I feel unconditionally accepted. I suppose she isn't at all aloof. Despite that, I did feel in awe of her when I first met her. Then, she was still pretty, but she weighed a lot more than she does now- I think she's lost about five stones, and it's only since she lost weight I've come to know her really. I would usually feel like I had one up on someone that weighed more than me, but I felt scared of her, because she was evidently so popular and brilliant. I felt in awe of her because of her cleverness, and the amazing social skills, and the witty ease she exuded, so I didn't talk to her. But then suddenly, a year later, we bonded and I am so glad. I should show her this to show her how fantastic I think that she is; I probably won't.

Her parents are getting divorced, and they involved her too much. I think it's getting very hard for her at the moment. When I go back I will tell her that I will listen. I might copy and paste this to send to her, because she should know how great she is.