I watched this with a group of friends. It's a terrible programme; I like that it's freakshowing thin and fat, but I don't like the way they force them to eat each other's food. It's terrible; it would freak the thin one out and make the fat one starve then regain.
As both a pork and a freak eater, I really enjoy it but it does give me ideas, like just cut a bit out of your diet, and you'll be like that thin one.
God, I feel shit. I really and truly just want to be in a good play, or to be good at something. Anything. I feel like I'm so incredibly mediocre it's untrue at the moment, I feel talentless and horrible. It's encroaching on everything and hanging over me too much. I'm not really eating properly or sleeping properly. I made the wrong decision with the play. I should have gone with the devised piece. I don't even like him as much anymore because I'm seeing all his faults and my life is tearing at the seams, I just can't hold it together. I can. I've got friends, and I've got a future. It isn't as if I'm cut off.
But it won't be as an actress as I dreamed. There's not even any point in auditioning for theatre school if I can't get the fucking role I want, is there? God, I detest myself at the moment. For my lack of control over my rapidly careering life and my own supine position on the whole matter. I hate hate hate me. All I want to do is exorcise these demons.
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