She of the beauty.

Another one that should wear her hair up but doesn't. She worries it makes her shoulders look excessively broad and her head excessively small. She thinks she's too fat to wear her hair up. Her face is beautiful and she shouldn't waste it; I've told her as much. I don't think she'll take the advice; she only sees herself her way. We all do, I suppose. Her Mum's an alcoholic and she loves her but hates that she destroys herself, and feels like a nag, like she's no fun, when she tries to get her to stop. I wish I could be more use to her when she tells me this. I just listen.

I can't work her out. She said once that she finds people who ask her to go somewhere and are eager about it too needy. I know that this is evidence of low self esteem (if they like me, they like someone crap, so thus are crap people). I don't want to irritate her so I try not to ask too much; I told her I'd come over one day, between two and three, and when I got there at three she was surprised (and slightly ill, with a sore throat). I couldn't work out if it was because she was ill, or because she was put off by my being there, or because she'd last seen me tweaking out and didn't know how to deal with it, but I felt like she didn't want me there.

One of her housemates that she's got an on-off almost-sleeping-with arrangement tie to got drunk, and she got drunker, and they ended up sleeping together; though She of the Beauty said that the housemate had forced herself on her, and she'd been too drunk to resist. That idea terrified me; she says she's going to give up drinking, maybe, but I don't think that that's what needs to be done. It disgusts me that her housemate is unrepentent and hasn't acknowledged what happened. It scares me that she accepted it; though she's good at masking things. What I really wanted to do when she told me was to give her a hug and make her feel safe, but she isn't the sort of person that seems to want that, or to want me to give that, though I wonder if it's all a front; she said once that she liked people to push at her boundaries because sometimes she needed things to be let out.

Conflict seems to chase her; she argues with her housemates, with her ex boyfriend and with almost everyone; not with our group of friends, though. I can't work out if it's her or them that need sorting out. I think that most of her relationships are based around conflict. I know that I think she's wonderful; but untouchable, and that's scary. I want to touch her. Sometimes I wonder if she's a pathological liar; I'm always worried that I'm the butt of someone's joke, since Dollface turned out to have someone else that she liked more. I can't trust her, though I'd like to.