No alarms and no surprises

She of the Bovine has a friend that she says she doesn't like, doesn't get on with, doesn't feel as close to as she does to us. But then why does she respond to messages and other things, from that friend, weeks and months before she does with me? Ugh. Jealous jealous jealous.

I'll take a quiet laughter handshake of carbon monoxide.

Those aren't the lyrics at all.

Here's the problem with me.

I can't take any careers advice at the moment, because when anyone begins to advise me I feel like shouting:

I HAVE TRIED THAT, YOU ARSE. HAVEN'T YOU BEEN LISTENING?

Or

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO BE ADVISING ME? I'M DOING MY GODDAMN LEVEL BEST.

The second isn't great. Because I'm not doing my level best; I should be sending more stuff, ringing more people. I send a few applications out every day, but it's so demoralising to get no response. And I can take advice from anyone. It just irks me that everyone thinks they know best and I get left feeling like a massive failure or a stupid kid. Or like I haven't tried. Or worse, the advice my second cousin gave me- keep doing a normal job and write on the side. Well, idiot, that is exactly what I was going to do, do you think I'm that retarded? Honestly.

I hate being so angry all the time, and it's not the people I'm angry with. I love my cousin. It's the fact I haven't got a job, noone thinks I'm special, boo hoo. Noone will ever say I'm fabulous or care and I will never get anywhere. That's what it reinforces, when people give me advice, and that's why I don't want to take it. Everyone else in the world seems to be floating along just fine, going out, having fun. It's just me that's ruined my life.

God I am such a drip.