The horses are coming, so you'd better run.

I'm dealing with things all wrong, just when I thought I was getting the hang of it.

Is this how DB or MC would deal with things? I doubt it. I suppose I am me, but I am not them and they're brilliant, and this irks me, though, as my wise sister says, I have only been at this for a month and a half. It's early days.

I just hate getting things wrong, especially people things- it makes me feel like I'm naive and stupid and silly, not to be trusted, like I've got to be watched. Not happy.

I ate:

a biscuit-40
a tuna and cucumber sandwich-300

a smoothie (mango and some fruit juice, ice and water)-100
muesli and raisins-300

I suppose I am happy about that.

I asked Mercury what I should do, because RK said I should tell those in authority. She said the same thing, and because I'd been embarrassed telling her, she said, "they go through phases like that, they thought I was seeing someone in the department, and she was a lesbian- I'm not, and I have no prejudices, but it was just inaccurate". I smiled. Because you aren't prejudiced, I don't think, though I usually don't like it when people say, nothing against them, but...

It's because if the world was equal, you shouldn't be embarrassed about who you fancy.

But even so, I thought... I wonder what you think, having been faced with that. Because if you are, and if you feel that way, then someone else pointing it out would make you feel so transparent, so very blatant. I suppose it's not so obvious with me, in my skirts and makeup (though short hair's a giveaway). I suppose you do look like the stereotype; big and broad, no makeup, no skirt. Is it that simple? You wear a powder blue fleece to walk home in. I'd like to hold you into my shoulder and say, "I'm so glad", that you're comfortable and that you're you. I suppose it is that you're just not gay. I don't know why I find that so inconceivable, except for my own longings, of course. She hid around corners, and hid on the bed.

I think you're beautiful. I have written it so many times. I like you and your way of looking me in the eye, then away nervously. Your hair was more chestnut than grey today, matching the day's blaze. And you truly are kind. You're not feminine and hen-like, clucking about, like the others- you're authoritative and kind. The others are authoritative too. I'm rubbish at that. I'm rubbish at denying information.