Eating ridiculous things today

But it's kind of alright- I knew I would be.

At least I'm not ridiculous about that.

I saw him today, and he was charming and kind of made me want him again. I don't feel safe round him though, like I do round her.

Hmmm, I went to see friends. I feel ignorant and as if I'm not doing as well as they are, but it was lovely to be round them and good to see them and have them make me laugh. I got drunk, so sleeping was easy, which was good. It's just they're so secure, and so out to do things. I feel I'm not.

I won't be the lonely one, sitting on my own and sad.

But then, when I do sit on my own it doesn't make me sad. Contemplative maybe.

Oh oh, how you're my hero.

Which I know is the wrong stance, Lady of the House, because you don't have heroes. You hold people in esteem, everyone in esteem, but you don't idolise and lyricise about crinkled blue eyes, like I do with you. You don't put yourself below others automatically. You just don't.

That's part of why I'd like to be more like you. Not all of it though.

And I'd like to listen to it with Kindness as well. Because her relationship with her parents is akin... I'd like to dance with her to it. Not bopping around as I usually do, I'd like to take her hand and her waist, and move with her head on my shoulder. Like a slow waltz. Insensitive. It's such lovely sad music, and uplifting in minor chords. Strange. Like her, bizarre and strange and unexpectedly uplifting, my dearest.