It's bizarre that a day can make so much difference. I still feel like I'm doing it wrong, but not so much... she was better behaved today, I even got to joke with her. Hmmm.

I ate:

an apple-40
a tuna sandwich-300

340

some cake-300
muesli and yoghurt-300
1/2 a piece of bread-100
stew-300

1000
2 cubes of chocolate-100
chocolate mini eggs (6)=60
some figs-50

200

so 1540, all in all. I need to do more exercise.

I have been looking at people achieving lots and feeling I'm not achieving at all.

I want to achieve.

Bollocks.

This is depressing.

Alright, the actress girl is only in something small, and it's only because she's pretty, and everyone loses their looks, and she didn't get there on talent alone.

I feel horrible doing this, because she is nice and talented. But she also had parents that did stuff for her.

Publishing friend is just good at being herself, and found her niche straight away. If they were me, would they be freaking out? Probably.

Self esteem is not at its highest.

More exercise, less eating. I could have done it today, except I was tired and I needed to tidy up. Urgh, that's not true. Noone needs to tidy. It's just something people say to excuse themselves.

I could do with a cigarette, or a sleep, or both.

I had a fun time with my sister, she's developing a brilliant little personality lately and it's wonderful to watch.

Think of you, think of your soft enveloping arms, your pragmatics, your sense and your loveliness. Think of that and abolish the rest. Think that I am worth something to someone; though maybe it's the wrong someone. Sometimes I can sense people do like me, but I rarely like them in return and that inequality makes me almost like them less, for liking someone like me; they must be falliable, if they've fallen? That makes no sense. How would I feel if she liked me? I'd be so happy. I'd not think she was falliable. I'd think it was miraculous.

I need new books, new clothes (especially shoes) and novelty. And to act.