Oh dear, not in the way you think though.

I went out to see a friend last night, and she told me all kinds of things about her mother. She makes far more sense as a person now. God, I felt terrible- because I am essentially so ungrateful. My parents ask me to do the odd thing, pick up my siblings, tidy up a bit- and I moan, because they don't ask my siblings to do the same amount of stuff. But she's turned out so well, from a parent with problems, and it's noones fault.

I almost blame our school, for knowing about it and not getting more involved.

I don't feel sorry for her. I admire her. I wanted to give her a hug. Her knack of talking when you're not particularly listening, her knack of not really listening sometimes makes sense- because if she listens to what her parent said, she'd probably go mad. Her knack of not caring about little things, because big things are so much more important. Underneath her happy exterior (and I think she is really happy, really and truly, and she deserves to be, I want her to be happy so much) I think she's probably angry too, because she didn't deserve any of that crap and yet she had it and handled it. Is it the way that people who are brilliant are so because they have handled bad times, or is it that awful people sail through life? I prefer to think the first. I think of my classmates, some of whom could have done with a dose of what she's had to cope with. If I had a hand in it, I'd have parcelled bits round to all of the spoilt kids. Not a lot, just a little bit, just so they knew.

It's made me grateful for my own family. I always have been, but I suppose I just haven't been showing it. I still think my principles are right- we should all be helping out, not just me, and when I do it seems like noone else does- but I really appreciate not having to go through bereavment, and being a young carer.

Though I don't when they keep jutting into my private time, or when my brother is at his most obnoxious and everyone just seems to think I am intolerant instead. I just pushed my Dad away. She'd give anything for her Dad to be about. I detest insincerity.