Me.

Here are a list of facts about me that I'd never publish anywhere else.

1. I won't go back to education, unless it's to formulate a career plan- acting, journalism, being a barrister or even a teacher are all slight but potential possibilities.

2. I fall for people easily, but noone knows this, and I fall on bizarre criteria.

3. I'm very rarely successful in love because I worry that the other person isn't enjoying their time with me as much as I am.

4. I am happier alone than with people I feel middling about. This applies to friends and loved ones.

5. I am obsessed with eighties synth pop.

6. And correct grammar and spelling (though I use the word 'and' too much at the beginning of sentences). I will google something if I'm not completely sure of the spelling. I just googled obsessed.

7. I adore going food shopping with people, friends mainly, and observing what other people buy, despite or maybe because of my relationship with food.

8. I hate going clothes shopping with people. I feel like I have to concentrate on them as well as me, and it's too stressful to do both at the same time. I also get bored quickly.

9. I always flick to the life and style section of the papers, though I would far rather my persuasion was for the political.

10. I am petrified of sinking into obsolescence instead of reaching for ambition.

11. I would rather be ugly than irritating and pretty. I think I might rather be ugly and memorable than pretty and fading into obscurity.

12. My favourite game to play is the cube game.

13. I am triskaidekaphobic, though I don't consider myself particularly superstitious. I won't put down a book on any number that's a multiple of thirteen, or that ends in three (this could be thirteen plus or minus any number of tens). I am therefore well versed in the thirteen times table. The numbers thirty nine and one hundred and sixty nine are especially avoided, and pages that are ten times any multiple of thirteen (a hundred and thirty, two hundred and sixty) must be read straight through to 140 and 270, respectively, as the whole ten-cycle is also unlucky, being preposed by digits that are multiples of thirteen.

14. I also say hello to magpies. Three times.

15. I am not always the best at what I want to be the best at.

16. If I am pushed towards something I am unlikely to do it. I was pushed towards maths as a child, and I'm only just now discovering enjoyment of it, a decade and a half later.

17. I frequently feel guilty for being the eldest child, as my parents had the most time to spend on my education, and wonder if I'd have flourished if I'd been second or third in line. Though my siblings did get help, I was the undivided focus. I feel that maybe I'm not that bright under it all- it was all just conditioning. If you look at it that way, isn't everyone's childhood? Though my siblings are musical without any particular driving force, so I suppose I feel they'd have been even brighter if they'd have had the help I did.

18. Port is one of my favourite drinks, though I despise wine.

19. I always mean to get a facial.

20. I have always used the same makeup, since I first started and have pared back my kit if anything. I wonder what will happen when I turn fifty and my face needs more than moisturiser, concealer, mascara and lipstick to look its best.

21. I can appreciate that film stars are beautiful and want to look like them, but I don't want to touch them at all like I want to touch the people I detail here. They're all somewhat anodyne or defensive.

22. On the aspergers scale, I'm between 'normal' and 'aspergers'. I'm proud of this. I'd like to be more of a perfectionist, though I'm not at all. I thought everyone was about something; I'm not, it appears. I try to cultivate this in myself.

23. I smoke menthol consulates, around 4 a week. I am proud of this rate; enough to let me enjoy them, little enough for me to feel that the risk of cancer is abated (though the heart attacks tend to catch us out). I make an occasion out of each one; I find a place, sit and fume away.

24. I hate cutting meat. The word's picorism. I eat meat, but only in small chunks or forms where it's not apparent that it's a dead corpse. I was a vegetarian from the age of about seven to thirteen, and I've always been aware of the carcass conundrum. I can't think about the flesh too much when I'm eating it.

25. I prefer soy milk to normal, it doesn't give you the coated feeling on the back of your throat.