Difficult.

Today I ate:

A biscuit-60
Houmous and pasta-200
chocolate-130
A piece of fish and about 10 chips-300
Butterbean and lentil with chips-400
A piece of bread-100

Plus alcohol and some smoothie. Tomorrow I will eat more fruit and vegetables. I will catch scurvy. No teeth and fat.
No vegetables, no wonder I'm gaining weight.

A few nights ago she said to me, when I came on my bike and got wet, that I could borrow trousers and then that maybe they were too small for me. She didn't mean it like that. But I thought, oh god, she is thinking of my fat thighs, my fat arse trying to squeeze into these trousers. She is thinking I am hideously obese, that when she was my age they would have fallen off her. She is thinking that I am lacksidaisical and I don't care about others because I am always eating. She is comparing me to the refugees she helps and I am an example of western gluttony gone awry.

She probably was not thinking any of these things. And the trousers did fit, and she didn't mean it in that way. She didn't mean, you are too large. She meant the trousers might be too small. But I couldn't help thinking all of those things, and I was so relieved when they did fit, and I didn't eat what she offered me for tea.