I want to shout and scream and cry to rupture the feeling in my throat that there's something I just can't swallow, which is that life didn't turn out how I planned it to. I didn't turn out how I wanted to, or how I want to be now. I want to be quick and sharp and the girl noone messes with, and instead I am just a mess, distressed. I want my space back, I want it so badly. I want to kick something and flagrate all the rules and say I don't care, I just don't care.

I want to be with someone that wants to hold me tight and will tell me I'm not silly, I'm just human. Or I'm both, maybe.

I want to be someone except me.

A girl I know got into RADA. I feel sick to the core. I feel desperate.