So angry.

With my Mum. I feel bad for being angry, because she's a good person, she tries to do her best, and she's cool and funny and brilliant all round. But today she was driving me mad.

Firstly, we were meant to leave the house at twelve, and we didn't get out till half one, because she was cleaning the house for my brother and sister when they got back from school. She knew I had to be back for a certain time, but still pushed the amount of time we had out at our day out, which was only two hours because she'd spent so long getting out. She always says to me, "we have to be out by twelve!" and then I'll be sitting there for hours waiting for her to get ready. I feel like it's a control thing, like she has me ready but isn't herself, because she's more important. That isn't true. She doesn't think like that, it's just me being vindictive, I am vindictive. I can't forgive. I was furious with her for ages in the car, and later, and I just feel like a horrible person because I can't seem to forgive and forget like everyone else, stupid petty things like this preoccupy me and why can't I remember the good things instead, and focus on them?

Written down this looks incredibly petty, but I hate it when she puts me off for housework, for something the others could do when they came back. I still feel angry and hateful even though I know I shouldn't. Why can't I just be normal? My brother would forgive. I have given up on housework. I feel like it's never enough to do it, and noone else ever helps, so if they don't I won't make myself a martyr to the cause like she does.

I share a room with my sister and the only time I really get alone is this time late at night. I need it to be able to think freely. She hung around till four, and it's driven me mad, rustling receipts and banging about when I was trying to watch a film. I asked her if I could just have a bit of time on my own, and she just went back at me- we all would, it's your fault, I want time alone too. She's always saying how she wishes we could have a bigger house so I didn't have to share a bedroom, but she couldn't care less, evidently, because she doesn't respect my need for a little bit of personal space at the end of the day.

I hate being treated like I don't matter or like I'm not worthy of anyone listening to me, and that's how I feel at the moment. Two of my friends haven't been in touch for ages. My Mum doesn't give a damn about what I need, and prefers to think about what she thinks I need rather than what I'm telling her I need, and yet I still need her approval. I'm such a child. And I feel bad now, writing this because she's a good mum, in every other way, she just wants me to be happy, and I'm stupid and selfish for being such a cock.

I just want to be better. I want my own space. I want to be able to do what I want without worrying about money, or anyone nagging me, or feeling like I'm getting too old too fast for it all.