Today

Was better. I went out, was angry because agencies need so much faff (you can't just give them a CV, no, they want you to go in with one, come back later, go back again and again... twats). But then I handed a CV into a bar where there might be work, which made me a bit happier, and it was a good bar, and had dinner in Ikea, which always makes me happy, and went to her house, the woman that thought I was silly. I will call it The House. She gave me some tea and I met a man that had been in prison. She was helping him, she's good to people, so steadfast and reassuring in a non-patronising way. She knows such a lot about how to help people in a way that doesn't let them take the mickey, so that she can help everyone. She knows so much about important things that really help people, like how to get off bail, and she's doing something about it that matters. She's such a useful person, in the best way.

I told her about my job worries and she just laughed, which put it all in perspective for me. I like her a lot, I want to be her friend. If I'm honest more, even though there's a massive age gap. I told her about wearing a sari and the spiritualist church and she's just lovely. Just listens really. I felt like I talked too long really, I should have shut up, I am becoming my grandmother.

I got home and it was all about jobs again- my brother was teasing me, my parents wanted to discuss nothing more than careers, and it's so very tense, I just don't want to talk to them about it, I want to deal with it alone. I'm getting angry with silly things and it's not right and I don't want to be that kind of person.

But I do like her. Her name's lovely, but I don't want to write it here. She's beautiful when she laughs. I thought she was missing two teeth, but she's just got small teeth, small and very straight. I feel like I want to cling onto her and say how much I like her and how much she's helping me, but that would be so silly.

I am silly.

It's better feeling silly than angry though.