I don't want to be the narcissistic jealous person I am.

I'm not a brilliant person, and I badly want to be.

I wrote an article I was really proud of, and I've just found out someone else will do one that's a million times better. I hate that I feel jealous and not as proud of what I've done because it'll be blown out of the water by someone else now.

I'm resentful about being the eldest child.

I say stupid things that must mark me out as a loser.

A man tonight asked me for my email address and I gave it because I didn't know how not to. I'm going to have to see him again. He helps out at the House, so I can't tell the Lady of the House, because she... might think I'm silly, and would know something else I should have done? It was my fault for not handling it right. I don't want to tell Mum because she'll freak out about it and worry too much. I'll probably tell a friend.

I wish I could be quietly passionate, like the Lady of the House, I wish I had the way of saying just what I think and not anything else, I wish... but wishing doesn't make the world go round. I wish I was successful. I wish.