Thinking.

I feel physically sick at the possibility of not going to theatre school or not starting in the world soon soon soon. I can barely wait till next year to try, I can't can't can't wait till the year after that. I'd be twenty four, in my first year, that thought makes me incredibly depressed. I want to be there NOW and not later, and not when I'm too old, and not when I'm past it and not when doors have closed and by that time everyone else is successful and launched upon the world and I'm back and behind and still learning like some retarded child.

I hate the thought of it. I hate being behind. I hate.